My Decent Into Madness. Or. The Life of A Family Man.

(The picture above is to both depict my insomnia, my constant being awoken, as well as my descent into madness in general)

This blog began as a Facebook status update rant that ran just a little too long for Facebook.  It was written in response to a Facebook status update by one of my Facebook friends who was lamenting the fact that Facebook status updates were so misleadingly optimistic and it gave the unfair impression that others lives were going so well while us parents were swimming in a sea of misery.

This is just to dispell that myth and to share with you whats going on in the Tite world :).

Just to let you know you arn't alone ;).

All 3 of my kids as well as myself have been sick since Easter.

Luckily both myself and the eldest really only have cold like symptoms.  Which is runny nose, cough and general malaise.  Not bad.

Unfortunately my youngest two are just terrible.  Both of them have been exhibiting flu like symptoms since Easter.  So vomiting, diarrhea and fever with zero appetite.

So just a little stroll through what the wife's and my life has been like lately.

I'm awoken at about 630am to a diarrhea ridden diaper and cranky kids who due to the illness cry  and fight amonst themselves and when asked  whats wrong they very angrily yell "I don't know!".

This continues to about 9:30, after numerous attempts at getting them to eat or drink anything and the use of tylenol to bring down the fever, at which point I decide its time for nap time.

The youngest goes down well enough but the middle child, who is in desperate need of a nap fights it with super over the top screaming that she doesn't want a nap.

(I learn a couple days in to just have the middle child nap with daddy.  This ended up being very beneficial as it allowed us to bond and I actually got "I Love you Daddy's" from her.  Which was a welcome change from the I hate you's I got with the previous attempts at napping and just general anger, frustration and loss of patience throughout the day.  It also allowed me the much needed sleep that was desperately needed, not just due to my own cold, but because of what is to come in the evening).

After a couple of hours the kids wake and the mandatory screamathon resumes.  Only this time it is enhanced by their confused awakening that is brought on by their nap.  They dont know why they are currently groggy but they sure as heck are going to blame and give me the brunt of their anger.  Also at this point the Tylenol's effects is wearing down and their fever has resumed as well as a new 100 pack of diapers needs to be opened to deal with the new onslaught of diarrhea changes.

The fun continues throughout the day while I attempt to make them lunch where they ask for one thing only to be extremely upset that I didn't make them something completely different that they never hinted at.  Or, and this really does happen, Lorelei has decided that one of her crusts is falling off and has ruined the whole sandwich and now has to shout to the heavens about it in the blood curled screams that only a toddler has the skills to perform.

Meanwhile throughout the day i've changed the linen, blankets and clothes numerous times due to both vomit and diarrhea (any new parents out there be sure to invest in mattress protectors if you have a mattress you  value).

On one of these many trips down to the basement I notice that there is small pool of water sitting in the corner of the unfinished room.  Great a bunch of snow must have melted by my downstairs window and seeped through.

Nah I can't be that lucky.

Nope no water coming from the window which means that its coming from some unknown location.  So I investigate the foundation wall in the unfinished room for cracks.

Nah I can't be that lucky.

Nope its coming from a crack in the foundation in the finished portion of my basement and I have to tear out the drywall and 2/4's to fully expose the crack.

On top of that I have to tear up the carpet as it was exposed for too long and I didn't want to risk a mold infestation.  I also has to cut off the legs of some of my shelves that also had a moldy smell to them due to their own exposure.  And also had to throw out a mattress I had in the basement that I used for guests.

Luckily (ha! Not really lucky) i've dealt with this before.  I had to fix up a crack in my foundation last year.  That time it was in the unfinished side and I saved a bunch of money by figuring out how to do it myself.

But now that there is a second crack its clear that there is an overriding issue that I need to address that is causing multiple cracks.  Most likely its due to the lawn that I put in a couple of years back that likely changed the elevation and is sending the water right to my foundation.  Or not.  Maybe its the french drains are clogged up and I need to dig down outside to clean them out.  Or maybe its a whole host of other reasons i'm not aware of.

The point is this.  I'm dealing with and having this stressing me out and on my mind while dealing with the crap show (literally) all day.

But luckily its 4pm and Amy is home from work.  Which means I get to escape and go to work myself!  Freedom.

But its short lived.  I get home at about 11:30pm and arrive to my two youngest taking turns pooping.  Lorelei in her bed (I think i'm on my 300th diaper change.  I should really look into the guiness book of records.  I must be coming close now), and Paige on the toilette who is screaming that both her tummy (cramps) and bum were hurting (and yours would too if you pooped as much as she was).

Btw a completely aside tip for non parents.  Have baby wipes.  They arn't just for babies.  When you get your pleasant bout of the flu you will thank me.  After your 1000th wipe of even the softest of toilette paper it'll feel like sandpaper.  Get the baby wipes.  Your bum will thank me.

Oh and i'm truly running back and forth between the two of them as Paige insists I hold her while she is pooping and Lorelei is both waking up to her screams as well as her own poop.

poop poop poop.  Just thought i'd add a couple more mentions of poop in this blog in case that's another Guinness record i'm nearing.

This continues until about 3am at which point I give up and Amy takes over.  Until about 630am when she goes to work and I get to start the day anew and repeat this for about a week!!!!!

Here is how this starts out as a parent.  First your natural protective loving instincts kick in.  But then it begins to combat your sleep deprivation.

You quickly go from loving and caring to just purely pissed off all the time.  And i'm a very naturally happy, patient person who has a pretty high tolerance for putting up with crap (this time both literally and figuratively).

I start off just feeling pain for my daughters pain where I actually think back to when she was newly born in the hospital in the intensive care unit having her blood picked.  I just wanted to take her pain then as I wanted to now.  I also think of every moment that I didn't hold, hug and tell her I love you to be a wasted moment as my poor little girls are just so precious.

Thats how it starts.

How it ends is with me telling a toddler to just shut up after she picks her 592nd screaming fight with her sister for no reason (except for the probable headache that she doesn't understand why she has).

Sounds like a pretty horrible thing for a person to do eh?  It is and as bad as it must be for my daughter to hear me lose my temper like that.  I'm positive it pales in comparison to the shame, heartache, and absolute devastation I feel after I walk away for 5 minutes to clear my head.

Another new parent tip.  Walking a way is not only a viable option but a heavily advisable option before you self destruct.  Even if your child is screaming his or her head off sometimes you really do just need 5 minutes to regain perspective and patience.  You'll come back with your guilt ridden shame forcing you to become loving again and stop shouting.

Now this whole saga is occuring when my monday to friday evening job is being shuffled around whereby i'll be working morning shifts on an upcoming weekend.  This coincides with my 2nd job I already work on weekends and so now I have to wake up early and do one job and then immediately following that job work the other job in the late evening.

I have a terrible issue with insomnia and general sleep routines.  I was hoping to spend this week getting used to getting to bed early so that by the weekend i'll have managed to get a good routine going so that i'd be able to do double shifts on more then 5 hours of sleep.  Clearly my 3am sleep times have conflicted with this plan.  Instead i'm sitting here stressed out at 1am writing the blog knowing full well that i'll be lucky if I get 3 hours of sleep.

So ya Erin.  Life isn't always peachy despite what all those Facebook updates seem to suggest.


***This blog has not been proof read, edited, checked for flow, cohesiveness or ability for others to understand what has been written***

...
BECAUSE I GOTTA GO CHANGE ANOTHER FRIGGIN DIAPER!

Isis, Putin, Hamas and how People Are Rarely as Crazy as You Think

Alright so I had written this blog entry and was all ready to post it when some crazy person decided to murder an unarmed Canadian soldier on ceremonial duty in downtown Ottawa.  As such I felt it would have been in poor taste to post this and just never got around to doing it.  So this is a little old but I believe still a relevant entry and hopefully by posting this part I get around to writing the other two parts.  So without further ado here is my post.


In one of my early Psychology courses I had a professor walk in and, without saying a word, draw a pie chart.  On this chart were only two slices.  One comprised of 99% and the other only 1%.

He then started the class by proclaiming that vast majority of the world is comprised of sane rational people.  As for the 1%.  Well that group is crazy.  It's best to avoid them.

The rest of the lectures were about trying to explain the behavior of the 99%.

The importance of those lectures was that there is a very small subset of the worlds population that reason and logic cannot explain.  There are other disciplines that deal with those people (abnormal psychology comes to mind).

However,

I do find that I hear far too often that so and so, this group, and those other people are crazy.

The purpose of those lectures (as well as much of my early social psychology courses) was to explain that what may seem as far out behavior is in actuality, upon further inspection, quite rational, sane and normal behavior (given the set of circumstances, variables etc).

A very simple example of this.

If you brought somebody from just 10 years ago to a random busy intersection they would probably think the world had gone mad.

That's because 10 years ago a person walking down a street talking to himself would be labeled crazy and probably had a severe mental disorder.

Today, however, this is obviously quite commonplace.  Once you explain to the time traveler the advance in cell phone/microphone technology they would quickly realize the error of their assumption.

Since that is a very simple example there really isn't any negative repercussions of the assumption that the time traveler made.  He may be moderately confused but the person talking on the phone will be none the wiser and unaffected.

Now lets bring in some real life, and incredibly complex, examples.

To begin with I have to preface the whole rest of this blog with i'm a nobody.  What I mean by this is i'm going to delve into some complicated geopolitical and historical issues that i'm in no way an expert on (laughable) or even semi knowledgeable about.

I just hope that, at the very least, my logic and reason is sound based on what information I believe to be true is.

And the overriding message is simple.

WHAT MAY SEEM CRAZY CAN USUALLY BE EXPLAINED
(and is therefore not as crazy as you think)

Based on the title of this blog you can probably guess what my next 3 examples will be.  This is going to be crazy hard for me to write so i'm going to start with the easiest one first and work my way up to the hardest.

ISIS and the recent public beheadings

Now by no means am I suggesting that the entire ISIS situation is easy to explain.  In fact trying to dissect the genesis of the current middle east conflicts makes me incredibly dizzy.  The influence of the exhaustive interconnected histories of the vast amount of countries involved, many of which don't even exist today and many others who were clearly influenced by outside countries (most notably England, France and to a lesser extent Russia) is so obviously outside my ability to comprehend that its absurd that i'm even mentioning it.....Man I really wish I knew how to write better that is one insanely long sentence that I'm not sure how to fix.

No what i'm going to get into is the recent beheadings performed by ISIS.

Now remember the title of this blog.  I'm merely trying to make sense of what i've heard/read many people call crazy or insane behavior.  I'm in no way condoning or defending any of this behavior.  I'm merely attempting to point out that what appears crazy may actually have a very logical rational reason behind it.

The beheadings done by ISIS, I argue, are performed for very rational and logical reasons (THIS DOES NOT MEAN GOOD OR ACCEPTABLE REASONS).  Before I explain why, however, i'll start by giving an example of a beheading that was in fact carried out by a crazy person.

I'm sure most people will remember the killing of Tim McLean.  Tim McLean was sleeping next to his assailant while travveling on a greyhound bus.  Suddenly and without warning his killer began stabbing him repeatedly and was locked in the bus by the busdriver after the driver was chased away by the attacker.  The killer then proceded to decapitate the dead passenger and even went so far as to consume some of his body.

There was no provocation and no apparent reason for this tragedy.  This incredibly, and maybe needlessly, greusome account is a very obvious example of insane behavior and the judge overseeing the trial agreed and admitted the killer to a high security mental health facility.

By contrast the beheadings preformed by ISIS were not done suddenly, warnings were given, provocations can be argued to have occurred leading up to them, and ISIS gave reasons for the beheadings (of which i'll actually dispute later).

Furthermore ISIS went to great lengths to film and spread their beheadings using sophisticated filming equipment, editing and numerous forms of social media and other media outlets. Clearly this demonstrates that they had a motive for the beheadings rather then blind rage.

Now i'm actually going to argue against the reason that they gave for the beheadings.  They stated that the beheadings were in response to the West's involvement in Iraq.  I actually doubt this is the true reason they committed these atrocities.

Based on their aformentioned media campaign is seems way more likely that they are using these public beheadings as a recruitment tool to attain more members.

Furthermore, I believe they actually want the West to go after them and their released videos shows them both daring the UK to send troops into the middle east, and mocking President Obama.

http://www.breitbart.com/Breitbart-London/2014/10/03/New-ISIS-video-dares-boots-on-the-ground/
http://mrconservative.com/2014/07/44622-isis-releases-video-mocking-obama/


Now one may say that, if this were the true motive, then surely they must be insane.  How could you possibly anatagonize the strongest military nations in the world and not be crazy?

Here's what I believe they are attempting:

Post multiple videos of them beheading journalists.
Tell the western nations this is in response to their involvment with Iraq and then mock them.

This has two effects.
First it makes them look like they are standing up to a bully and that will attract more recruits.
Secondly it actually causes the western nations to attack.

This is probably especially easy in the United States as president Obama is constantly, and consistently, being portrayed as a weak president by his rivals.  For him to do nothing would simply be more ammunition to be used against him.

Then when the west does attack, innocent civilians are inevitably going to be killed.
ISIS will then use those deaths as another means to recruit more members.

Like I said this is an easy example.  Anybody who has even remotely considered this issue, i'm sure, have not come to the conclusion that these actions are crazy.

Now before I get into two more examples i'm going to go off on a little tangent.  Very small this time I promise.

WHEN YOUR ENEMY IS TELLING YOU TO DO SOMETHING DO NOT ACQUIESCE TO THEIR WISHES!
This is not a new, profound or particularly deep reflection that i'm coming up with here.
This goes back probably as far as conflict has ever existed and has been documented by the Chinese General Sun Tzu and probably every other friggin general since!

Might be something to think about.

Alright this is already quite long so rather then make this a giant huge blog i'm going to make this a 3 parter.

Next up will be me explaining how Putin and his ongoing shenanigans doesn't make him a wild crazy man.

This picture makes him a wild crazy man :

Better Call Saul

Better Call Saul has regained my lost faith in the film industry.

So what if it's a television show.  It's sure as hell not shot like a television show and certainly beats out most of the 2014 films that i've seen.

However don't let the dismal showing of films in Hollywood diminish in anyway Better Call Sauls expertly crafted art piece.  And it truly is the personification of what art house theater ought to be attempting.  Its mesmerizing, enthralling, and picturesque on a grande scale.  If the first episode was extended into a two hour film it would have easily bested all others for best picture at the Oscars this year.

Am I coming off a bit strong?  Possibly.  But I really want to get across how much I've enjoyed the first couple of episodes of this television series.  It truly needs to get its due recognition as it takes what Breaking Bad did and has thus far made it even better.

Let me explain by getting into the nitty gritty of why I think this is the best show out there.

First a super basic synopsis is in order.  Better Call Saul is a spinoff series based on Walter Whites lawyer (Saul) from Breaking Bad.  The series follows Saul as he is starting out his struggling Lawyer career well before the events of Breaking bad.

Just based on the first two episodes it appears as though the overall story is about a man who is struggling with being a moral person (through guidance of his older brother) while the world is tempting him at every turn to turn bad.

This is actually a very similar theme to Walter Whites character in Breaking Bad however whereas I believe Walter White was always deep down an evil person (a debate that deserves its own blog) I think this series is attempting to frame Saul as ambivalent with leanings towards goodness.

Unlike breaking bad however this series appears to only have one true main character (Saul) with little to no side characters competing for attention.

I believe this is what makes this series great.  Breaking Bad not only followed Walter White but also examined the impact of his decisions on his family and all others around him (most notably Jesse Pinkman and Saul himself).

Better Call Saul is attempting to show us the life of only one person.  Saul. And in doing so is making a series that is more like reality TV then any real reality TV program ever made.

Now this is an interesting assertion that deserves dissection.  First I should say that reality TV has an obvious negative connotation.  Thats because the reality TV shows that are actually available are as fake as any fiction based program.  The closest thing we got to true reality TV is Jim Carrey in the Truman Show...and now Saul in Better Call Saul.

I know I know still doesn't make sense so i'll do some more explaining by examining another aspect of this show that sets it apart.  The way it is filmed (yep sticking with movie lingo).

Much of the first episode was actually devoid of dialogue.  This is because we are being invited into every facet of Saul's life, not just the exciting sections.  So we get to see Saul working a menial job at Cinnamon Bun in a glimpse of his life hiding out after the events of Breaking Bad.  We also get to see him retire from said menial job to his residence where he watches old tapes of his advertisements for his previous career.  We get to see him in the men's washroom practicing before each court case.  We get to see him struggle with payment with a parking attendant in his beat up car.  We get to see him retire after a long day to his pathetic residence inside a nail salon.

Through all of these glimpses into Saul's life we begin to piece together just who Saul is.  This isn't done with any lazy script writing where a secondary character explains to you everything you need to know.

For example you get to see Saul interact with a very strange character.  It takes a while to figure out what is going on.  Not because the show is attempting to keep you guessing but because these two characters have a long formed relationship and it would actually be strange for them to outright explain what is going on.

No instead you are given the pleasure of just observing and getting to know just who Saul is.  And this connection between the viewer and Saul is what makes this true reality television.  You get a feeling of really getting to understand Saul on a deep personal level and it truly is great.

And this discovery is done with tons of long takes (which appears to be a theme of advanced filming after True Detective and Birdman) whereby the camera follows Saul uninterrupted (that is without cuts) thereby not breaking the spell to the viewer so you really do feel like you are following him.

And seriously this series, as well as Breaking Bad, deserves awards for best cinematography.  These shows manage to take what could just be a bleak desert into a captivating and breathtaking landscape.

I believe i've made it clear that its a series worth watching and its current 100% rating on rotten tomatoes and 9.3 on IMDB is certainly deserved.  Metacritic is definitely getting it wrong at 78% even if that is a fairly high rating.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alright review is done but I do have one more thing to discuss.  There is one character on Better Call Saul that I guarantee will have repeat viewings.  It's a criminal named Nacho Varga.  Thus far he has had minimal screen time but i'm aware of the actor Michael Mando and the pure talent that he possesses.

Please do not let the following sentence dissuade you from trusting my judgement....

Michael Mando was the voice actor for character in the popular video game Far Cry 3.

Seriously I hope you havn't stopped reading and have lost faith in me completely.  Stay with me here.

He didn't just use his voice for the character.  When Ubisoft Montreal (the video game maker) went on a casting call for its game Michael Mando showed up in character.  Not in character for anybody that was within the game.  He made up his own character and nailed it so well that they used his exact character for the game.  And his character is what made the game.

Alright if you don't believe me just watch these videos:
Cartoon version:



Real life person.

Birdman

2014:  The year of horrible movies.

At least that's how its felt to me.  Certainly the vast majority of the mainstream movies released this year have been lackluster at best.  However, i'd be remiss to dismiss 2014 outright just as the year has come to a close.

For you see its Oscar award season and the end of 2014 and beginning of 2015 is where all the top movies are stacked together so I can't fully count 2014 out just yet.  There have in fact been a slew of recent films that I haven't had a chance to watch that are generating much Oscar buzz.

So i'll attempt to be your one stop shop to previewing what will likely be the films nominated for best film category of the February Academy Awards.

My most recent viewing of course being Birdman.

The plot of this film is actually incredibly simple, and yet the movie is anything but.
But first the plot;

Birdman is about a former super star actor who played the comic book hero Birdman, who gave up his former glory in pursuit of what he believed to be higher art.  The movie takes place decades later where this now washed up actor is trying to give it one more shot with theater.

That really is all there is to the plot.  In fact the plot is so simple that you really should know the ending before it happens but this really isn't attempting to be a movie where you are supposed to be thinking about what happens next.  This plot is exactly what it seems to be, even with the few gimmicks that may get you off its path here and there.

No this movie is way more then its plot.  I find it actually had so much meaning behind it that it had an Inception kind of vibe to it in that it had layer upon layer of meaning as you went deeper.

For example:
Lvl 1: Is the basic plot outlined above; namely a washed up actor who is trying to find meaning with theater.
Lvl 2:  The film is actually a satire of Hollywood in general and its endless pumping out cheap thrill type movies like the four taken films or the endless comic book movies.
Lvl 3: I haven't mentioned yet that the actor playing the titular role of Birdman is Michael Keaton.  Who of course played Batman and has been considered by some to be a washed up actor who is currently trying to make a come back with this pretty artsy film.
Lvl 4: Movie is not only a satire of Hollywood but also of moviegoers in general who actually want the cheap thrill movies.  They want big action films like Birdman and "don't want any of this talking stuff" as stated by one of the main characters in this film.

Queue me about an hour into the movie and i'm actually getting quite tired of the talking myself.  Then the movie decides to throw an impromptu action sequence to wake me back up.  Consider myself reprimanded.

Now I haven't much gotten into Michael Keaton's characters powers.  Throughout the film he is using telekinetic powers that only he himself allows to be aware of.  This little gimmick actually has the potential for many meanings (for example maybe he doesn't allow others to know of his power because he wants to be seen for his talent as an actor that he put alot of work into rather then some innate ability).  However, I believe one of the main reasons for this plot device is simply to keep both regular movie goers and movie snobs alike interested in the film.

Personally I've missed Michael Keaton and also thought he was great.  It's taken him a while to get away from his goofy (yet extremely lovable) characters seen in Mr. Mom, Beetlejuice and the aforementioned Batman to finally star in a dramatic role like this.

And he nails it.

There was actually one point in the film where I  was turned off by his acting.  It felt as though he was some student actor who had a role in a play replete with tons of inner monologues.  Then I realized THAT'S EXACTLY THE ROLE HE IS TRYING TO PLAY.  Hes playing a no talent actor who is attempting higher theater.  

Keatons acting is backed up by:
 -Emma Stone as his daughter who just got out of rehab,
 -Zack Galifianakis who perfectly plays his struggling  agent frantically trying to bring his client back to his former glory
 -And Edward Norton whose character can only find meaning and  truth through performing

What do they all have in common?  They are all trying to find meaning in life...and are pretty well failing miserably.

Know who isn't failing miserably at life?  Alejandro González Iñárritu.  Yep I know you were thinking the same thing.

Alejandro is the director in the film.  He directed a couple other successful films like 21 Grams and Babel that were both shot beautifully. 

However, and I don't think i'm overstating this at all, I believe he has created or at least perfected a new form of shooting films known as a long take.

A long take is simply filming a scene using one continuous take where there are no cuts or edits done to the shot.

A good example of a long take can be seen in one of the episodes in True Detective where a 6 minute scene was shot following the characters continuously without breaking during an incredibly anxiety provoking scene.

True Detective Long Take Scene

That scene was only about 6 minutes and made the show go from good to great.  This entire movie is basically one long take (at least it attempts to make it look that way with some ridiculous editing).  It's filmed this way, or so I believe, because it's attempting to make this movie feel like you are watching a theater show (another one of the inception levels within the film) where there are no cuts and it is one continuous take.  The director manages to pull this off in creative ways such as when scenes are going from day to night it appears as though the camera is just left on as the time naturally changes.

So overall the movies plot was really nothing special.  But it wasn't supposed to be.  Actually i'm not really sure what the point of this movie was supposed to be but I think that might be, in actuality, the point.

It meant to keep us thinking about what you just saw.  And i'm still thinking.  In fact i'll probably be watching this a few more times just to figure out what other layers I've missed.

That being said, the score is around 90% and I think it is well deserved.  However a 90% does not necessarily translate into the vast majority of people enjoying this film.  In fact i'd be surprised if half of traditional moviegoers would like this film.  The critics will love it because its different and gets them thinking.  But for those of us who just want a fun action movie to get us out of reality (remember i'm no better, I got bored at one point halfway through) and not worry about self worth and purpose of life I don't think they'll like it.

Migraine

Occasionally i'll get a migraine.  This involves nausea, high sensitivty to stimulii, most notably light and sound, and extreme pain.  All of this usually force sme into a very dark, quiet room where I curl into a ball with my hands over my eyes and head where I wonder about what the world would be like if I died.

Now don't misunderstand me here. I'm in no way suicidal ever. It's just that in those moments I wonder how long a body could handle such extreme pain without the head imploding.

At this point you are probably wondering whats up with the picture.

Well thats what I made after the migraine attack was over.

You see once the attack is over is one of the extremely rare times where i'm without pain. My mind is totally clear and my brain is fully functioning without my pain getting in the way of my concentration. And so I decided to make myself some home made poutine and a bacon grilled cheese sandwich...because why not?

I make this amongst reading books on philosophy and doing some blog writing of my own.

I have to really take advantage of these states because they are very short lived. By tomorrow, when I wake, im sure i'll have that little nagging pain at some hard to reach spot in my skull.

But until then i'm going to enjoy the shit outa this meal.

Never Stop Trying: A motto for health care professionals working with the elderly.

Pretty solid.

It's most salient message is towards the end where she states that these breakthroughs won't happen every time but to keep on trying.

To be way more realistic these breakthroughs actually rarely happen but when they do it is profoundly rewarding.

However for the full time care workers within the profession it's actually a message that is easily forgotten through the heavy workload and stresses of the day to day job.  Combine that with rampant staff shortages, either due to people regularly calling in sick or simply quitting altogether (high turnover rate), and only hearing from management when you have done something wrong (such as forgetting to take the linen out at the end of shift) there is no wonder there is such a high burnout rate in this field.

Employees are often just struggling to get all of their basic job requirements completed for the day that they forget about the very personal aspect of the job.  I swear the amount of needless paperwork that I do just because the ministry requires it of us to cover the homes butt really infuriates me.  It is wasted time that should be spent on more resident care.

Now I'm fortunate that I only work as a personal support worker in long term care in a part time capacity. 

As such I always start my shift refreshed and motivated to make my residents lives just a little bit better during their, often less than ideal, end of life.

It can be a very harrowing experience but I've had countless encounters where major breakthroughs have been achieved directly through my actions.

These have varied from small examples of a resident smiling who people thought was catatonic or a resident allowing herself to be fed who would typically lash out physically to getting a woman to actually communicate in full sentences  who hadn't spoken in weeks.

I've even actually had a couple of breakthroughs I'd argue that are even more profound than the one seen in the video that are simply too personal to share.

The satisfaction I get from these moments cannot be understated.  Whether it be simply a smile or otherwise.

So my basic message would be to health care professionals to not forget the human aspect of the job as there are some definite sunny breaks to be had in what is often a very depressing existence if you are willing to put in the effort.

And likewise our politicians, managers/supervisors, bureaucrats, and family members should be aware of just how much work is required of our health care professionals and to provide these workers with whatever means you can so they can do the best job they can with our aging populations.

Remembrance Day

This is not going to be a fun blog to write or read.

It will start off as unpleasant, then move into shocking on its way to gruesome.  Then when we are all thoroughly depressed i'll offer up what seems to be a positive reprieve where we get to see the decency of humanity shrine through one of the worst times in history.

But that will be short lived because it would be disingenuous to stop there.  Because this isn't a fictional storybook I'm writing about.  This is about a real time in history that should not be forgotten nor rewritten to make us think about the goodness of humanity.

No this is not one of those stories that has a conflict that is happily resolved in the end.

This is a story about the soldiers who went through some of the worst experiences in history of which there can be no happy ending.

This is about World War 1.

I'll have to preface this blog (as I really should all of them) with the fact that i'm a complete amateur who reads and listens to history books and podcasts on a very recreational level.  I'm clearly not an expert and, as such, should not be taken seriously and in fact you should consider everything I write suspect.

What i'm doing in this blog is taking my incredibly limited knowledge of numerous battles and scenarios in WW1 and condensing them down into one extremely general view of the conditions that soldiers fought under.

In actuality there were hundreds of unique encounters involving millions of little stories that I couldn't possibly do justice.

So without further ado, here is what I'll be thinking about during our Remembrance Day.

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War was once considered by some to be a noble and glorious endeavor.  Of note Theodore Roosevelt who exited office right before WW1.  Soldiers were nice enough to line up in neat rows and take turns shooting at one another.

Once one side realized that they were outmatched a white flag would be waved and the enemy commander would accept his opponent's sword in a ceremonial surrender.

Afterwards, the surrendered commander would be treated with the utmost honor and even have dinner with his, up until recently, opponent.

Now this is of course a completely rose colored view of how soldiers fought prior to WW1.  However there is some truth to it and it serves to demonstrate the extreme change that will soon occur with the rapid technological advancement leading up to the Great War.

The war to end all wars began with the traditional rank and file formations of wars past.

However with the advent of the machine gun these formations were quickly decimated.  Old generals set in their ways would send in further troops in hopes of overwhelming these machine guns to no avail.

Quickly, but not before countless were dead, the generals realised the error of their ways and would order a retreat.

The shattered survivors would then regroup and the enemy commander may send in their cavalry troops in a counter attack to quickly route the survivors (another old school tactic).  Only to sucumb to the same fate of their enemy as they turn their own machine guns on the advancing cavalry.

Soon both groups realize that to advance means certain death and order their troops to hunker down in large dug out trenches to shelter them from arms fire.

But these troops' reprieve will be short lived for the slow moving artillery has finally made it to the battlefield.  The impact that modern day artillery had on the battlefield cannot be understated.

There were battles, along the lines of the one i'm currently creating, that started out with trenches in heavily forested areas.  However within hours the artillery fire would quickly turn this forest with trees that have matured over hundreds of years into rubble.  Within days there will be no sign that there once was a forest there and the entire battlefield will resemble the surface of the moon.  A desolate wasteland dotted with craters.

The only soldier to witness this wasteland would be dead.  For any soldier foolish enough to poke his head out of his trench would be quickly killed by shrapnel.  And now his fellow soldier has to remain hunkered down next to his fallen friend's corpse because to attempt to bury him would just mean another body to be added to the trench.  Just remain hunkered down and listen to the artillery barrage continue all day in rapid succession lest ye forget where you are.

Occasionally there would be a cessation of the artillery fire.  But this of course would only be followed by you witnessing a blanket of the enemy forces launching a forward offensive consisting of new troops with flamethrowers, jackets full of grenades, and all kinds of new daggers and close combat weapons aimed at finding any way to end your life.

Luckily you too have your own machine guns and artillery to allow you to push back the offensive and keep this engagement up indefinitely.

Now these are obviously some pretty awful conditions (it gets worse, it always gets worse) of which the mind can only take so much.  And how did some soldiers deal with this?  Humor.  There are actual reports, of the exact scenario that I've depicted, whereby soldiers would wake up every morning and greet their fallen comrades' corpses in order to make light of their situation (remember no way to bury them unless you want a bullet to the head).

The only way to survive this is to remain hunkered down and wait until you were  replaced by relief troops.  As for the relief troops?  Well they have to first make it through that artillery barrage with the only reward of living that same existence as the relieved soldiers.

Umm I promised an uplifting part where we get to see a little bit of humanity shine through didn't I?

Well, battles like these were proving to be stalemates.  Both sides evenly matched and having extreme difficulty gaining any ground.  As such there were large trench lines facing each other with enemy forces in fairly close proximity to one another.

In the lead up to Christmas troops on both sides began singing songs.  This led to a lessening of tensions to the point that both sides were able to cross into no man's land and exchange greetings, presents and even play a game of football.

This sounds like a a made up fairytale to take away the absolute horror but there are official accounts of this occurring to one degree or another along the entire battle lines. A good read can be found here.

The higher command on both sides weren't very happy with this development however.  They were concerned that this may lead to their force's willingness to shed the blood of their temporary brothers a little more difficult.

Fortunately (and I use this here very sarcastically), their fears would be short lived.

Because of the stalemate that had developed between the two sides, new methods of killing had to be utilized and so began the use of chemical weapons.

This involved turning the very air you breathed into pure torture where, if you weren't quick enough to put on your mask or the masks hadn't arrived to deal with the threat yet, you would die one of the most agonizing deaths imaginable.

But it didn't just turn the air into a weapon.

At this point in the war the battleground had been completely torn up with constant artillery fire.  Some of the trenches had to be abandoned because they were full of water.

Well the chemical weapons detonated on the battlefield would seep into these water trenches turning the water into poison.  Some of the soldiers trying to cross the trenches to the newly dug trenches would fall in.  And any noble attempt by a fellow soldier to save their friend's life would often lead to them both drowning.

Of course at this point in the war supplies were also very hard to come by seeing as the supplies were having a hard time making it through the artillery fire.

So some soldiers would take the risk of drinking this contaminated water due to severe dehydration (I'm sure the gas mask didn't help with the overheating).  Never mind that they see the bodies of their fallen friends floating nearby.

Soon each side began to view one another as completely barbaric and less then human.
No there will be no more Christmas truces after this point.

Alright I think that's about all that I can handle.  This is some pretty hard stuff to digest and i'm only listening and reading about it.  Let alone having to live it.

There really isn't any point to this blog.  There is no message I'm trying to preach whatsoever.
I'm not trying to be gruesome for gruesome's sake, nor am I trying to portray any group in this war as worse than another.

I'm also fully aware that this isn't the only time that humanity has witnessed such atrocities.  In fact we have been finding all kinds of new and horrible ways to kill one another since the beginning of time.

Actually that might be the point.

I'm writing this stuff down as a means to never forget, to always be mindful, and to remember all the terrible things that nobody should suffer, but so many have, that I haven't.